After SOC this morning, there's been nothing much happening. Been having admin time since lunch. Doing a bit of reading, a bit of sleeping & lots of thinking. Especially about where I'm going after POP.
*Just got back our platoon photo. I paid nine bucks for it and they spelt my name as 'Daril'. I'm not happy at all... Some of the guys don't even have their name in it. Some memoir.*

Looking ahead, I see lots of difficult times... With training that is going to be much worse than BMT. But then I ask myself, thousands of others have gone into command schools & have done well. This is assuming that I'm even selected for command school. Its already a disappointment that I might not be able to make it for OCS. Maybe I shouldn't feel so bad since most of the diploma batches go to SISPEC. Should I even bother giving my best now that I've missed the 'big prize'?

Reasons why I won't get into OCS:
1)SIT. test... I wasn't fantastic.
2)Its tough physically. Sometimes I feel like dying after things like SOC or 2.4 km run.
3)Do I really wanna go through the difficulty of command school for the rest of my NS?
4)Hearing my section mates complain about every single thing in BMT. I've been blocking it out for 2 months but it feels like its getting to me.
5)Why bother giving all your effort when just a bit is enough to pass?
6)Uncertainty... Even if I do get a Gold for IPPT & do well for SOC (under 10 minutes). It won't guarantee me a place in OCS?

I've been brooding over this long enough... My responsibilty is to do my best with a joyful heart. Where I go, He will lead. Whether or not its OCS, SISPEC or missing command school entirely.